Tonight I returned home after four days & 2000km away for work. Tonight was also a milestone, well for me at least, in how our 20.5 month old twin boys reacted. Up until now, whenever I arrived home the boys would shake the baby gate at the top of the stairs, show me a toy and everything went back to our normal routine within five minutes.
Tonight though was VERY different, tonight I knew my boys had missed me with a totally different reaction.
Admittedly, they were stuck in their high chairs, but straight away I was being blown kisses, like we do when we FaceTime when I’m away, by both the boys. Very cute but the best was yet to come. Once free from the high chairs the boys watched a few nursery rhymes and I unfolded one of the boys foam couches as per usual. Then, out of left field, Connor ran up to me, threw his arms around my neck and gave me the biggest hug and a kiss to match! He leaned back when he was done and gently touched my whiskers and stroked my face as he looked straight into my eyes……
Man, I was lost for words, totally stunned and utterly in love with this connection my son and I were sharing. It was like he was remembering me with his touch but his eyes penetrated me so deeply that the moment felt like a lifetime. Slowly a smile appeared on his face as if he was realizing I was actually here and not on the phone.
He understood what was happening and he hugged me again. Now I am rarely lost for words, but tonight was so intense and touching that nothing I write here can even come close to what we both felt tonight. It almost felt like an epiphany but so much deeper than that. It was bonding on a level I have never felt before.
As Connor stepped away slowly, he let his hand trace down my face as I reached up with one hand to hold his. He continued to trace his fingers down my shoulder and along the length of my arm until just our fingers were touching then it was over….or so I thought….
The spell now broken, I looked at my hand and looked up only to see Christian walking towards me. He had that very same intent expression on his face as he slowly closed the distance between us and finally stood in front of me. Then he just fell forward into my arms, snuggled his face into my neck and let out the biggest sigh….
Mate, I tell you now, putty is a solid form like steel compared to how I was feeling now. With Christian’s arms around my neck, I just drank in every moment. I could feel him tightening his arms around my neck and hear his racing heartbeat as I laid my ear to his neck. Finally he looked up and very softly said,”Daddy”, and smiled…. how the hell do you put those heart warming moments into words?
To be honest, as I sit here now it has only dawned upon me that my little boys are growing up. They not only do things out of excitement alone anymore. They are now comprehending and expressing complex emotions for both their needs and wants.
Tonight I saw the twins loose a small part of them being babies and realized that things will never be the same.
Tonight I realized my boys had taken a big step into our world, they understand what it is like to love and to be able to show that love.
To be honest, a small part of me is saddened by this, yet another part of me is SO very proud.
Tonight, I felt like my boys were saying in their own way,”Welcome home Daddy….We Missed You.”