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Part 3 of this series looks at why your wife is crankier than ever, what did I do?
This is going to be an easy one to answer for the Dads tonight….
The simplified version is because you are male. Full stop.
The reality isn’t that much harder to grasp either. As you are now a family, or about to become one, there are subtle changes occurring on a daily basis. For us guys, we still go to work and life goes on as per usual.
For your wife it is a whole different kettle of fish. Let’s give it some perspective shall we?
While you, the Dad to be, potters along his merry way, your wife is entering something akin to a war zone. Hormones change, new ones added, her body starts to be ready to accommodate new life, fatigue, possible health issues and worry about so many things that I could be here all night listing them.
Subtle changes from day to day means that suddenly her waistline expands, she cannot wear high heels anymore, aches and pains at night and never being able to get comfortable, weird cravings for some on top of morning sickness and trying to stay as normal as possible ….ahhhh forget it, let me put it terms YOU will understand…
Tell me how you’d react if I said the following:
1] You can’t watch the footy at all this season.
2] No more shorts, T-Shirts, instead it is a three piece suit 16hrs a day with tight fitting shoes and when you get out of this you have to wear fluro pink tights with fluffy leggings.
3] No more pub with the mates or motor cross or fishing.
4] You have to eat offal 4 times a day with a teaspoon as you recite the national anthem while only drinking water.
5] It feels like someone shoved a firecracker where it doesn’t fit and goes of with half a bang and you have to wait another 7 months to retrieve it.
6] The aforementioned clothes shrink by 2 sizes four months into your pregnancy.
7] Someone starts playing Tiny Tims Tiptoe through the tulips in the room next door every time you try to sleep for the next 8 months.
8] All of this while simultaneously carrying a bag of cement tied to your gut and your ankles shackled in prison chains.
9] All beer now tastes like water from your aquarium.
Getting the picture? This is a LIFE CHANGING as well as a life creating event. These are the things your wife WON’T tell you about because she becomes accustomed to these changes over a nine month period, but trust me, it’s real.
So what can you do to help soothe, or at the very least, placate, not only your wife, but the things she is going through? Well, there is no one correct answer, every lady is different and the symptoms vary from person to person, yet carrying multiples adds a lot of pressure. The best way to find out is ask your wife! Strange as it may sound, she may just know what she is on about when she says her feet are aching or her lower back is sore.
Will it be:
A hot bath.
A back rub…yes I know this is what for you in this predicament in the first place, so FOCUS on just the back rub or you may find yourself rubbing something else in agony.
More pillows in bed.
Not having to cook dinner more than twice a week…think of it like your favourite cut of steak suddenly smelling like a sewerage factory. Smells can trigger a number of nasty things and you don’t want that floating in the pasta dish she has tried to carefully prepare!
Prepping some healthy snacks to discover what you wife’s cravings, good or bad, are going to be.
In other words, share the load around a little more. Yes it is one less fishing trip, sure the yard may grow a bit higher before you can tend to it, but by hell or high water it is worth it.
You see ‘Happy Wife = Happy Life’ is not as silly as it sounds. Mind you ladies, don’t forget this is a two way street. Hubby is entering new territory (in some cases) & a little patience is going to be required and don’t take liberties of him trying to do his best. Remember I said to SHARE the load, don’t dump it all on him at once.
Being kind, understanding and patient is a learned thing, you cannot just turn it on over night.
Lastly, explain to each other when you’re feeling irritable or moody, this goes for both of you! On a personal level, I have to come home from work and ‘fire gaze’ for 30 mins to switch from work mode to helper mode. That 30 mins of no interruptions while I checked the news, answered some emails, had a drink and got changed allowed me to prepare myself to be a better husband. It’s not perfect but with trial and error, you soon learn to watch for those cues of when a hug and kiss is needed as much as it is wanted, and when to just quiet do the dishes and say nothing until the hormones have settled again.
Your world is about to change….so start making little changes now and in the end you’ll wonder what all the fuss is about. If you leave it until the babies arrive you’ll resist the changes being forced upon you both and a whole new level of unwarranted stubbornness becomes a major road block rather than a speed bump….
Be tolerant as you can, say sorry often and mean it. You’re both about to be setting an example for your kids…what do you want them to see, learn and absorb?