AMBA, Australian Multiple Birth Association, Blessed, Children, Dad, Daddy, Family, Fat, Growing Up, Hugs, Kids, Life, Love, Madness, Multiple Parent, Multiverse, Mum, Parenting, Triplets, Truth, Twins, Wardy
As per usual, I find myself sitting on the back deck tonight reflecting on multiple topics I have hear on my recents travels. Elderly folk worried about what the budget cuts to them mean, kids throwing an award winning tantrum or smiling from ear to ear, depending if they got the treat they wanted or not, the weather, price of fuel, politics, talking to other parents at Day Care about the latest milestones our kids have reached and life in general.
Now ordinarily this wouldn’t cause me any consternation, yet there is a secondary, almost insidious level of murmuring going on underneath all of the other conversations. This ‘other’ topic is toxic, incessant and causes more angst than I had ever thought possible.
I see it on social media, I hear teenage girls walking past in the street talking about it, it’s on blogs, the Mums at Day Care whisper about it to each other while hanging around outside and I see it plastered wall to wall almost everywhere I go on advertising on billboards, women hate it, men ignore it and it is causing angst amongst the ladies on various groups I am in as a Dad.
If you haven’t guessed it by now, I am talking about ‘Body Image’, and more specifically the ladies who are Mums and what they ‘think’ their husbands think about it. And this is where I come in as not only as a husband, but a Dad as well.
The self esteem, or lack there of, I have heard recently has boggled my mind. It seems that not matter if you are a size 8 or 28 there is always a ‘something is wrong with me’ attitude that sticks to it worse than shit to a blanket that has been to one to many picnics.
So as a Dad and Husband, I am got to put this out there for ALL the Mums & Dads to read, THINK and reflect on.
Firstly to the Mums. The gorgeous ladies, whom without we wouldn’t even have children. Although you may not agree with what I am about to say, there is truth in it non the less.
You have had children, your body is NOT going to be the same again, especially after carrying twins or more! I constantly hear ladies saying things like ‘I wonder what my husband sees in me’ or ‘He must think I’m fat and unattractive’.
<insert scratching record sound here>
Seriously ladies? Do you think all men and husbands are that shallow? Admittedly some are and I’m not going to deny that, but come on…..
Your insecurities more than likely stem from buying into unrealistic ideals sold to you over your lifetime from magazines, billboards and just about anything you lay your hands on.
Can you not believe that your husband still loves the colour of your eyes, your smile, cheekiness and companionship?
Oh but my stretch marks I hear you say…so what? They are part of you and we accept that…..gimme 1 hour to explore your stripes in a tender manner and then tell me I don’t love you. Oh…you won’t let hubby touch or see them,….why?
Most ladies would rather assume what ‘society thinks’ rather than asking her fiancée, partner or hubby face to face. I will guarantee that more than 90% of you have never expressed any concern to you other half and he remains oblivious to the fact that you are either ashamed of you body or you are loathing things like your breasts aren’t as perky and are now lopsided, stretch marks that just won’t go away, post partum tummies with a three finger separation that you worry about daily and the list goes on….
It makes me sad to think that the biggest enemy the ladies battle with is themselves over these changes that your body has gone through. Your confidence is low, your self esteem is non existent, you feel frumpy, look like shit, you’re fat, your belly is flabby, the cellulite won’t budge, etc.
So am I being dismissive of all of these things? On the contrary, they are things that us guys know will happen. They are what make you a woman and the mother of our children, they are the sacrifices YOU have made to make us a family and by hell or high water we love to explore the NEW you.
You want love, yet if your hubby was to touch you in any of these places, you don’t embrace his touch, instead there is usually a swift brushing away of his hand. To a guys this is quite contradictory. He wants to do the right thing, but you think that because you are now different he will reject you and you want to save yourself the pain and embarrassment. You now change in the bathroom rather than the bedroom ….why? Because you don’t want him to see you like this….right?
Take a leap of faith. Aside from PND that both Mums and Dads get, from a purely physical side of things, hubby has a woman to deal with now. Engender us to rediscover yourself with our help. If we don’t do it right, that’s ok, help us to learn all over again WITH you. You might just be surprised how well we adapt and you might find that there is more to your hubby, fiancée or partner than just wanting a playboy bunny or trophy wife.
You more than likely were a loving partner before and he fell in love with ALL of you, not just your legs, butt or eyes. You are a package and you need to know that just because the wrapping has changed doesn’t mean the contents have as well.
I’m going to shove an adage onto the topic of body image. I see it as all talk and no action. What I mean by this is that it is talked about, but I never hear anyone doing anything about it and I want to know why….!
Ladies, chew on this for a bit and comment if you feel the need. As for me, I’m going to appreciate my wife in the best way I know how…hugs, some extra kindness and seeing what she can teach me about falling more in love and growing old together.
This post is by no means done. I will be back with more in the next few posts.
Be well, be loved and above all, be yourself. Sweet Dreams. 🙂