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par·ent·ing [pair-uhn-ting]
the rearing of children: The schedule allows her very little time for parenting.
the methods, techniques, etc., used or required in the rearing of children: a course in parenting.
the state of being a parent; parenthood.
of or concerned with the rearing of children: good parenting skills.
1955–60; parent + -ing

Anyone with children, be it a singleton or multiples through to a full brood of seven kids or more, knows beyond a shadow do a doubt that parenting is not all cuteness, cuddles and carefree moments.

The once benign, tiny things you never worried about, suddenly seem to have the potency of a Death Star Destroyer. Even without wrapping your kids in cotton wool or becoming a ‘helicopter parent’ and constantly hovering over your child, your mind is constantly vigilant for even the smallest things that present a hazard to your children.

If it’s not the worry of them falling off the lounge, it’s what they are shoving into any of their orifices any any given moment when your concentration lapses for just a split second, then thinking, ‘where the hell did they get that?’.

Now that our boys have turned two and are competently walking, running, sprinting and generally terrorising our every waking moment, I have recently encountered a new, and somewhat surprisingly, unusual experience and it has been like a heavy cloud hoovering up every negative emotion and thought that I have had over the past month.

So what has been weighting so heavily on my mind?

Well it is the future of my two sons. To be more specific, it’s the world that they will be becoming more and more a part of as they get older that has given me more and more consternation….and bad dreams. It is like I am in constant state of hypersensitivity and I will give you two cases in point, of how this cycle has been feeding on itself and nearly brought me undone.

The first case is the terrifying happenings on the other side of the world in Gaza. The horrific images that have been plastered all over the internet has left me shaken like never before. Believe me, I’m not intentionally seeking them out, but these graphic and insidious pictures shouldn’t be in plain sight. People say they are there to show people the truth, but personally I think a healthier dose of respect and compassion for the families and individuals is needed. After the first week it just got worse and the overkill of these barbaric pictures has now seeped in all forms of social media.

Maybe I’m just too compassionate and empathic, but the thought of my boys being caught up in something like this makes me feel physically ill. Feeling helpless and sympathising with grieving parent who I do not know, will never meet, leave me feeling exhausted and helpless.

Part 2 is the way our so called political leaders, of any persuasion, are taking away the future of our kids one pen stroke at a time. The short sightedness of all involved overlook the long term prosperity of our future…our kids future, fuels the anxiety and helpless that I will not always be here for my boys. Dealing with the affordability of the basics like health, education, housing, food has become a joke.

These two things alone have led me on a downward spiral of gloom, anxiety and a dark place no parent should have to visit, let alone dwell.

I’m not on a political rant here, I am just showing you the fuel that has triggered the burning flame and ultimately the ashes, that has led to my current circumstances.

So where to from here?

After talking to a friend, the answer seemed simpler than I had anticipated. Using the same analogy that you have just read, the only reply from my friend was ‘The Phoenix’. At first I thought that maybe she has watched one to many Harry Potter movies but it dawned on me that the meaning behind it was ‘to rise again, to rebuild, learn from what was and be stronger this time around’.

Everything we do goes in cycles, and I strongly believe in this so these few words rang true,….well for me anyway.

To be continued….