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For The Love Of One….

07 Friday Oct 2016

Posted by Wardy in AMBA, Friends, Inspiration, Kids, Multiple Parenting, Parenting, Pregnancy, Quads, Tips, Triplets, Twins, Writing

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AMBA, Australian Multiple Birth Association, Blessed, Brisbane Multiple Birth Association, Children, Dad, Daddy, epiphany, Family, Growing Up, Hugs, Inspiration, Kids, Life, Love, Madness, Memories, Multiple Parent, Multiverse, Mum, Parenting, Truth, Twins, Wardy, Wife

Tonight, for the first time in a very long time, Tina, Christian, Conor & I ended up at Mum and Dads place for dinner on a Friday night.
After dinner was cleared away, I decided to head home around 7pm so I could grab some fuel for the car and get everything ready for when the boys came home with with my wife.

When I said I was leaving, Connor piped up and wanted to come with me to help out and spend some one on one time just with Dad, while Christian opted to stay and spend some time just with Mummy.

So we went and got some fuel, and a few Freddo Frogs for the rest of the family as Connor happily chatted away in the back of the car…something he doesn’t normally do as Christian is the car talker!

When Connor and I got home, he asked if he could watch one or two 10 min video clips on YouTube that he loves. Fair call and why not! They normally have to take turns so I had no problems with the request at all….that was until I started to get things ready and I turned around to see Connor standing behind me,….just watching me go about my business.

I said,”Hey mate, what’s up?”

Connor smiled and said,”Dad, can you come sit on the lounge with me for some cuddles?” 😍

There was no way I was going to pass up that opportunity, so I put down the dish cloth and sat on the lounge and Connor snuggled in and proceeded to give me a running commentary on his favourite cartoon video about the police car chasing the baddie for the next 10 mins. Letting Connor chatter away, having the stage and letting him interrupt his own commentary to pause, and say ‘I love you Dad’ for no other reason than he can just melted my heart beyond words.

I must admit that I had just forgotten just how much the boys love one on one time. A time where they don’t have to compete for attention, the TV, a chat and more importantly kisses and cuddles.

Being so busy with work (seeing the boys, and Tina, one hour a day during the week lately), I was just to busy trying to parent and adult, that I lost my focus on being a Dad.

Tonight is a night that I will treasure for a long time to come as I simply curled up, forgot about the world and enjoyed the company of just one of my Sons. No phone, no Facebook, no interruptions, nothing….just Connor and I loving each other’s company and enjoying being a Dad.

To be honest, I didn’t want it to end…..yet in time, all good things do.

So here I am now, with both of the boys tucked into bed, and me with the hope that I can sneak some time with Christian to do the same with him some time on the weekend.

I just wanted to share with all of you, that no matter how busy life gets, the ‘little people’ that sit in your lap today, are the ones telling you they are getting married tomorrow.

Take the time, find the love, share yourself and just ‘be’ with your little ones while you can. To look back on moments like these, the ones you make time for, will be some of the most precious memories you will ever make. I know this because there isn’t a dry eye here as I write every last word of my night with my son on this page….

Lots of Love to All the Mums and Dads….you need it as much as our kids do too….xxxooo

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Where Are All The Dads? (AMBA Related)

02 Wednesday Mar 2016

Posted by Wardy in AMBA, Friends, Ideas, Inspiration, Kids, Multiple Parenting, Parenting, Quads, Tips, Triplets, Twins, Work, Writing

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AMBA, Australian Multiple Birth Association, Brisbane Multiple Birth Association, Children, Dad, Daddy, Dreams, epiphany, Family, Growing Up, Hugs, Husband, Inspiration, Kids, Life, Love, Madness, Mr.Dad, Multiple Parent, Multiverse, Mum, Parenting, Quads, Role Model, Sweet, Triplets, Truth, Twins, Wardy, Wife

After a recent phone discussion with the lovely Ali from AMBA, we were discussing the involvement of Dads in local AMBA Clubs around Australia. It came as no surprise that most Dads had the perception that AMBA is a ‘Women’s Group Only’. While this may be true in the ratio of attendance of committee / board meetings, it doesn’t mean Dads aren’t able to participate in some shape or form, in fact most Dads think their membership to AMBA is only for Mums, where in actual fact it’s for the whole family!

With the age of technology well and truly entrenched in today’s society, we may have to redefine the meaning of ‘participation’…more on this in a moment.

Volunteering comes in many ways, and in some cases the way volunteering is done today will totally surprise you to say the very least. To show you what I mean, I am going to put a challenge out there to all the families who are not currently active in or part of an AMBA committee or an AMBA club itself. Bear with me here and don’t think ‘This isn’t for me’ before you read below, some of this information may challenge your preconceived ideas, yet YOUR input could be the difference in having just a club or being involved in something special.

Let me give you an insiders view on how important the role of having Dads on your local AMBA committee.

Here is a combined list of some interesting facts, and some of the reasons, that I have heard over the past four years:

1] Did you know that most roles are usually held for a maximum of two years?

2] Did you know that most roles only require between 1 – 6 hours a month, most of which can be done when the kids are asleep?

3] You don’t need to be an expert at something, you just need to be interested and involved!

4] It’s a group of women where men aren’t welcome. Personality clashes can, and will, happen wherever you go, and by saying this about any group is usually a predetermined outlook by those who have never even attended a committee meeting, let alone volunteered for a position. It’s about teamwork and working a s a collective. If you truly feel there is an insurmountable amount of resistance, there is always a way to raise this through appropriate channels within AMBA.

5] Did you know all committee meetings are open to all AMBA members? You don’t have to be on the committee to attend, just go along to see what your club is planning, get involved and be inspired!

6] I don’t have time and I get nothing out of it.
As they say, “You only get out of it by what you give”, couldn’t be more true!
Please don’t tell me you don’t want to make new lifelong friends, enjoy social gatherings for the whole family, discounted rates to local family play centres, weekly play groups, Bunnings BBQ / bake sale fund raisers (we have a hoot of a time at these events AND some are even kids free!), Dads catch ups, Mums catch ups, information, ideas, tips, tricks on raising multiples, hospital liaisons who will come and see you in hospital before you go home, FREE library resources, Breast pump hire, feeding pillow hire, seminars on things like sleep settling, toilet training, sharing a massive get together every year for Multiple Birth Awareness Week and the list goes on. If anyone feels alone, then all you have to do is join your local AMBA group.

7] The annual registration fee is for the wife only. No, it covers the entire family! Get the grandparents involved too!

8] It’s not just a club, it’s a second family. Themes such as ‘From those who know’ to this years theme of ‘No family left behind’ should give you some idea that this isn’t about individuals, but families.

9] You’ve got to be a part of it to make a difference. This is the bottom line.

10] Everything is addressed to the ladies or ideas us guys have are fobbed off.
Ok, seriously, if you feel disrespected, maybe look at the situation first.
A] Old habits are hard to break!
B] Is it a personality clash?
C] Is it intentional?
D] If you want change, you have to be part of the process. It doesn’t happen overnight but it can happen if you persist. Work with what you have got and help things evolve, especially if it’s your first time attending or being part of a committee. Respect is given to those who nurture, just like you nurture your children. Demanding things change and doing nothing about it gets you nowhere, then where will you be?

11] I don’t have time because of travel, work, kids, I live to far away, etc.
One family in north QLD lives several hours away from their ‘local’ AMBA club and have made it work. Puts a bit of perspective on things doesn’t it? Get a babysitter, take the kids along if they are young enough, they’ll sleep anywhere!

These are the top 11 things that come to mind. The bottom line is it’s NOT about ‘you’, it’s about your kids and the benefits they get out of it. ‘You’ get the benefits of a list so long (some of this is mentioned earlier), that you’d be nuts to not want to join. Anything that’s good for the kids is a good thing as well. Social interaction, learning new skills, having fun and not even mentioning them exhausting themselves into oblivion so they sleep the whole night through!
We all want what’s best for our kids, right? So if you said yes to this question, there is no reason anyone wouldn’t want to make it work.

Now to the idea of ‘redefining’ the idea of participation and technology. Has anyone considered the following options:

1] Using Skype / Webinar so those who cannot be physically there can still interact?

2] Video your meeting and upload it to a private channel on YouTube so members can see what’s going on?

3] Put out a list to the Dads on the next newsletter with dates where a little bit of grunt / muscle and experience (read cooking a Bunnings BBQ here!), could be used. From experience, the ladies always appreciate a hand to set up and pull down things like Gazebos, carrying the rubbish out and trestle tables for an event.

4] Dob in a Dad! Ladies, if you know your hubby is good at something, dob him in to help out. 😉

5] Dad Antenatal Classes / Buddy System: Get Dads involved from the get go! A classic example of this is Mr Dad here in Brisbane -> http://www.mrdad.com.au
The classes are held in a pub so the guys can relax in a familiar environment while they learn.  Many of the participants tell us that they were relieved to find out that other men shared the same fears and concerns about becoming a new dad, and were also unsure of how to best prepare themselves for the labour, birth and early parenting.

6] Multiple Dads Sanctuary Facebook group -> http://www.facebook.com/groups/MultipleDadsSanctuary
Multiple Dads Sanctuary is a Facebook group, supported by AMBA, where Dads with Multiples can get and share information on their experiences.

Dads / Uncles / Grandad / Cousins are the role models for the kids of tomorrow….YOUR kids! All of these interactions are a ‘sum of the parts’ experience. No parent has all the answers.

Being a part of my local AMBA club, running the MDS on Facebook, having a blog doesn’t mean my 3.5 year old boys miss out on a thing, on the contrary, I now have so many ideas to show and share with my boys, that I have set up my own business from home to give me the flexibility to spend even more time with them!

It’s your choice as parents, it’s your choice as Dads, yet if you want to see a real difference of being part of something special, give your local AMBA club a go.
You have nothing to loose and absolutely everything to gain from such a brilliant resource.

So I ask you, where are the Dads who want to make a difference?

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Do You Volunteer or Do You ‘Volunteer’? – Part 2

19 Thursday Mar 2015

Posted by Wardy in AMBA, Friends, Ideas, Inspiration, Kids, Multiple Parenting, Parenting, Pregnancy, Quads, Tips, Triplets, Twins

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AMBA, Australian Multiple Birth Association, Children, Dad, Daddy, Dreams, epiphany, Family, Growing Up, Hugs, Husband, Inspiration, Kids, Life, Love, Madness, Memories, Mr.Dad, Multiple Parent, Multiverse, Mum, Parenting, Quads, Role Model, Surrogacy, Triplets, Truth, Twins, Wardy, Wife

Have you got what it takes to volunteer? Well the simple answer is Yes! Then the bigger question is why don’t more of us do it? More often than not you hear the same reasons:

– Busy Lifestyle
– I have kids
– I don’t have time
– What’s in it for me?

Worst of all is the people who go around bagging the volunteers or the organisation they ‘expected so much from’. It seems to me that expectations are pretty high, especially from those that don’t actually volunteer themselves. Understandably people have different expectations and ideas of what they want, but does it really give them the right to put down something or someone else because of their own experience when they don’t volunteer themselves?

To those people, I would ask of them, why didn’t you start something yourself? Why trash on someone who is doing their best to help you, with no pay, minimal recognition and only to cop a spray for having a go? But I digress…..

So, I hear some of you scoff, but think about it, how many volunteers will you come across or depend upon throughout your lifetime? Meals on wheels, marriage counsellors, doctors, nurses, life savers, AMBA club members, The Men’s Shed, The Red Cross, Rotary, Loins, CWA and too many more to mention here.

Now take them all away……paints a pretty bleak picture doesn’t it?

So what REALLY stops people from volunteering? Like anything else, it’s usually the unknown. People think it will consume hours of their day, a tonne of paperwork, more stress and leaves little time to do things they want to do.

It’s quite ironic that volunteering is quiet the opposite, and usually fills a void in our lives from a genuine desire to want to give back. The hours per day is actually maybe 10-15 mins once or twice a week in average. For the more infrequent roles it might be a two hour block once every few months.

More than anything, anyone that has volunteered will tell you it wasn’t anywhere near as scary as they first thought. It actually relieves stress by being surrounded by like minded people, as well as ,nourishes the sense of community that everyone yearns for from yesteryear.
Most organisations are more than willing to explain a role, let you try it out and let you basically ‘suck it and see’. Hey, it’s not like you’re career depends on it and the old adage of the more you give the more you get really does ring true.

So I guess a few of you are wondering why I became a volunteer, and it’s a fair question since I’m sitting here sporting off about it.

For me it was simple, becoming a first time Dad to twin boys at the age of 43 wasn’t exactly going to be the easiest thing in the world. Sure, I’ve changed nappies and babysat nieces and nephews, but to have two children depending on us for everything 24/7 was a whole new level of OMG.
I really wanted to be a Dad…well not any Dad but a great Dad! So the best way for me to become a great Dad to my boys, was to learn from the parents who had gone before me. Where else were we going to get better tips, hints, tricks, ideas and knowledge than around other Multiple Parents? So,off we went to our first ever EPIN (Expectant Parents Information Night), and the deal was done. A wealth of information at our finger tips, sound advice, a guiding hand and great people to boot.

The things we learnt over the following months before our boys arrived set us up for an awesome parenting experience. We were a lot calmer than I expected because we knew what to expect, could chat to new friends both in real life and online, at the weirdest hours, for reassurance, ideas or even to just pass the time on those times we just couldn’t sleep or were feeding the boys at 3am. Which of your other friends would randomly do that for you 24/7/365?

This was the ‘spark’ so to speak, for me personally. I wanted to give back in kind, yet knew there was very little I could offer to those who had gone before us. So,…. I thought to myself, why not try to help those parents who are yet to go through the experience of having multiples, and the rest, as they say, is history.

Now when someone asks if I have got what it takes to volunteer, I know the answer will always be a resounding yes that is filled with excitement, enthusiasm and a genuine willingness to help.

So what is stopping you now from being a volunteer? Well the answer is nothing, unless you have very unique circumstances. This applies even more so to more and more Dads who want to get involved but tend to think it’s just for the ladies,……guys, think again! Dads are a lot more willing these days to help out, be it setting up a marquee in the park, cooking the BBQ at a fundraiser or just adding a little muscle power to the clean up. Tech head Dads are helping the way clubs and organisations run websites, social media, joining committees to help improve the clubs for their kids sake.

After all, we’re not just doing it for ourselves, and our biggest motivators are our kids. To leave a legacy they will hopefully incorporate into their lives at some point. We are the role models of tomorrow’s leaders, doctors, teachers, police officers, Nurses, Ambulance staff, Community Leaders and sporting stars. What better way to promote being part of a team for the love of something rather than just the money to make ends meet?

So I put it out there to ALL of you, both Mums and Dads alike, what have you got to lose? My response would be, ‘More than you’ll ever know’!

So check it out, you have spots of time in your week that can become rewarding instead of draining. You can met new friends who, as one Multiple Mum put it, you can have a hundred unfinished conversations with in real life and online…..and it’s NORMAL!

I believe you can, and If I can believe it, then you can believe it too…..you do have what it takes to be a volunteer.

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Parenting…..The Flip Side…..Part 1

02 Saturday Aug 2014

Posted by Wardy in AMBA, Kids, Multiple Parenting, Parenting, Quads, Triplets, Twins, Writing

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Tags

AMBA, Australian Multiple Birth Association, Blessed, Children, Dad, Daddy, Dreams, epiphany, Family, Growing Up, Husband, Kids, Life, Love, Madness, Memories, Multiverse, Parenting, parenting skills, Truth, Twins, Wardy, Wife

Parenting:
par·ent·ing [pair-uhn-ting]
noun
1.
the rearing of children: The schedule allows her very little time for parenting.
2.
the methods, techniques, etc., used or required in the rearing of children: a course in parenting.
3.
the state of being a parent; parenthood.
adjective
4.
of or concerned with the rearing of children: good parenting skills.
Origin:
1955–60; parent + -ing

Anyone with children, be it a singleton or multiples through to a full brood of seven kids or more, knows beyond a shadow do a doubt that parenting is not all cuteness, cuddles and carefree moments.

The once benign, tiny things you never worried about, suddenly seem to have the potency of a Death Star Destroyer. Even without wrapping your kids in cotton wool or becoming a ‘helicopter parent’ and constantly hovering over your child, your mind is constantly vigilant for even the smallest things that present a hazard to your children.

If it’s not the worry of them falling off the lounge, it’s what they are shoving into any of their orifices any any given moment when your concentration lapses for just a split second, then thinking, ‘where the hell did they get that?’.

Now that our boys have turned two and are competently walking, running, sprinting and generally terrorising our every waking moment, I have recently encountered a new, and somewhat surprisingly, unusual experience and it has been like a heavy cloud hoovering up every negative emotion and thought that I have had over the past month.

So what has been weighting so heavily on my mind?

Well it is the future of my two sons. To be more specific, it’s the world that they will be becoming more and more a part of as they get older that has given me more and more consternation….and bad dreams. It is like I am in constant state of hypersensitivity and I will give you two cases in point, of how this cycle has been feeding on itself and nearly brought me undone.

The first case is the terrifying happenings on the other side of the world in Gaza. The horrific images that have been plastered all over the internet has left me shaken like never before. Believe me, I’m not intentionally seeking them out, but these graphic and insidious pictures shouldn’t be in plain sight. People say they are there to show people the truth, but personally I think a healthier dose of respect and compassion for the families and individuals is needed. After the first week it just got worse and the overkill of these barbaric pictures has now seeped in all forms of social media.

Maybe I’m just too compassionate and empathic, but the thought of my boys being caught up in something like this makes me feel physically ill. Feeling helpless and sympathising with grieving parent who I do not know, will never meet, leave me feeling exhausted and helpless.

Part 2 is the way our so called political leaders, of any persuasion, are taking away the future of our kids one pen stroke at a time. The short sightedness of all involved overlook the long term prosperity of our future…our kids future, fuels the anxiety and helpless that I will not always be here for my boys. Dealing with the affordability of the basics like health, education, housing, food has become a joke.

These two things alone have led me on a downward spiral of gloom, anxiety and a dark place no parent should have to visit, let alone dwell.

I’m not on a political rant here, I am just showing you the fuel that has triggered the burning flame and ultimately the ashes, that has led to my current circumstances.

So where to from here?

After talking to a friend, the answer seemed simpler than I had anticipated. Using the same analogy that you have just read, the only reply from my friend was ‘The Phoenix’. At first I thought that maybe she has watched one to many Harry Potter movies but it dawned on me that the meaning behind it was ‘to rise again, to rebuild, learn from what was and be stronger this time around’.

Everything we do goes in cycles, and I strongly believe in this so these few words rang true,….well for me anyway.

To be continued….

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Finally…Time With Friends!

05 Saturday Jul 2014

Posted by Wardy in AMBA, Friends, Inspiration, Kids, Multiple Parenting, Parenting, Pregnancy, Quads, Tips, Triplets, Twins, Writing

≈ 2 Comments

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AMBA, Australian Multiple Birth Association, Blessed, Brisbane, Children, Coffee, Dad, Daddy, Discovery, Dreams, epiphany, Family, First, Friends, friends place, Friendship, Growing Up, Hugs, Inspiration, Kids, Kisses, Life, Love, Madness, Memories, Milestones, Multiple Parent, Multiverse, Mum, Mummy, Parenting, Perspective, Quads, Sweet, Truth, Twins, Wardy, Wife

It may not seem like a big deal, but after two years of doing quick outings and running home for the boys to sleep or feed, least they become feral, we finally had a full morning at a friends place.

The kids had morning tea with someone their own age and the adults all got to have coffee and nibbles. We suddenly felt like ‘adults’ again. 🙂

image

 

A small thing was a big win for all of us. You forget after a while that getting out and about is more than just visiting the park or pool. It is as much about renewing friendships and reconnecting with other adults without the sound of Peppa Pig, Sesame Street or other kids entertainment ruling the house for a few hours.

Watching the boys interact with someone their own age was awesome! The social skills and manners that we have spent hours on teaching them were able to be put into a real life scenario, with fantastic results. Hearing the boys say please, thank you and asking to share was, for this Dad, a heart warming one.

image

Whether it was playing with doll houses, bikes or blocks, there was minimal need for supervision as all the kids shared and exchanged ideas.

Suddenly there was that little moment when we realised that our boys were not so little anymore. A mixture of sadness and delight in one of those bittersweet moments as your recognise things will never be the same. Although it is only momentary, another milestone has been ticked off.

We can finally go out as a family and our world has once again become that little bit bigger than our current bubble of four. With the boys second birthday less than two weeks away, we have now been hit with what others have been saying for years, but never really understood the meaning of ‘time flies’….until now.

It may sound silly, but sometimes we just wish they stayed a tiny bit younger for a little bit longer.

Overall, we wouldn’t change a thing, yet knowing we won’t have any more children means everything is both a first and a last puts a slightly different perspective on everything we see and do.

For now though, we are just glad to be out of the house and in a place where all four of us can have age compatible friendships and a whole lot of fun along the way….

After all, it’s all about the memories we make that creates the moments we will cherish and share at a much later time in life, and for this, we have been blessed multiple times. Living in the moment has a new meaning now and we are going to  take full advantage of it ever opportunity we get. 🙂

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